Poetry

Should I tell her?

Or will it pass?

Thought it’d pass before

And wrong I was

So it would be thought

Wrong I am now

And the circle again is seen

This had been broken

So I thought

A bond created

In luxury I wallowed

And now the bond undesired

Yet cannot be broken

And still is it undesired?

The questions are asked

And no answers are found

So if I were to tell her

Devastated surely she would be

Therefore I must avoid devastation

For anguish must not come from me

If there be anguish

So then what must I do? How must I know?

And here she is again with me

In the delights of the spring

With acknowledgments to our parentals

We thrust ourselves further

Further into each other’s lives

Further into each other’s hearts

With this my dilemma ignored

In fleeting moments

All is lost and each other our only sight

Still, soon we did part

As those thoughts

Betraying thoughts overwhelm me

Is she truly here with me?

Is this her heart open to me?

And what of her feelings?

To desire for more

To desire for difference

A desire of my youth

A desire of promiscuous

And shameless actions

Without regret

Without inhibition

To wallow in pleasures

To wallow with excitements

In the beauties that can be seen

The lust that can be conceived

To be unbound

Uncommitted? Yet committed?!

And still is this love?

For even in this confusion

It seems as if

Fallen have I with her? As said?

But nay!! What of my vow?

What of my path?

What of my search?

Have I any sight in her

Other than these faults I cannot banish

Banish from my every thought as countered

By proclamations of her beauty – to do so seems impossible

And what of this bond? Not committed am I?

As she says

“Once I have consummated there is only commitment”

And now I see!

A trap I have set myself into!

But now!! But how!! This must stop

My world escapes me!

My passion leaves me!

My light is gone!

As Darkness shrouds

As is Darkness my comforter!

A fool am I A fool I was

In trusting love might come in any form

Other than Eros

As now Darkness takes his new strike

My keeper came

In this the new form, my indulgences

Letting not myself be consumed

By the lust and deception of darkness, as before

But using my flame

My gift from Passions insanity

To overwhelm and consume

Consume a spirit into myself

And for this misuse in desperation

My punishment comes from Darkness

With my arms stretched out

I offered myself to him with

With these actions

Actions he knew would bring me

Full circle into the depths

Of my own hell

A new cage of my own creation

Fashioned by my own hands

At the will of my own heart

With a subtle breath

Extinguishing my own flame

As I see I am vanquished

With my own mind exiled

Is this my suicide?

Is this my final desire?

To take my own life

As was this spirit I forced to be killed

How am I now to continue life?

With my spirit

My mind

My soul

And my body

Just an act

A performance, renewed each day

For the sake of maintaining

The heart of this one

To whom I’ve caused so much strife

The heart of this one

To whom I have not the strength

The strength to show my thoughts

The strength to share my feelings

As I once did easily

I now cannot

For fear of further punishment

Punishment I would inflict

As if wiping her mind and soul

With a cat of nine tails

Lashing out from my tongue

The wicked strikes

Strikes of my spirit

My spirit of truth?

Thus, even truth must be hidden

But how can the eyes of even Fire

Hide truth from the very eyes

That have seen within me

To the depths of my being

As I see Death rise

As Darkness covets us both

Rekindle, I thought

Due to my limited choices of action

I can’t loose her

Thus powers of Passion

I breathed in

To exhale upon her skin with sweet embrace

And not long after

My efforts exhausted

Without the energy to regain

Even one breathe

I see only the true and vast distance she is from me

For though I poured out

Into her spirit my whole self

Sharing and confiding all of

My mind

My heart

My past

For her to know, beyond any other

My inner most feelings

Yet, even so

This distance pronounced

In the constant deliberate and planned

Non-reciprocation

Why have I said soo much and heard soo little

Why is there still

Each day! Things to me proclaimed

Unknown

Secrets?

Parts of her existence

Held far from my grasp

For my only close friend

She is

As those others have gone

She is here

And though I for her

She is not for me, it seems

As she is always secret, private

Always distant, closed off

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR?!

Clear it is now

Darkness did know Infatuation

Could no longer strike down

Fire’s flame within me

And thus he struck upon my humanities

For in my trek

My trek through this world of mine

Between that of Fire’s place

And that of Darkness domain

Ignored I had my weaknesses as human

For so long I lived the dream of

Of realizing not, reminding myself not

That this has been awaking dream

Repeatedly I was struck down

As Darkness said, “Reborn thrice, incarnated twice”, I was

And to what ends?

The means to an end I’d always wanted

In my goals, my dreams

There was that of material accomplishments

But what of those goals, those dreams?

Beyond that?

Beyond all was always love

As Darkness staid always close behind

On my trek he deceives

With his hand stretched out I grasped

I grasped the notion of my title

Deluding my thought

To only perfections I would have

Blinding myself from the immaculate

Beauties of imperfection!

These little things thought faults

Only morsels, only pieces of the grandness of this beauty

And thoughts?

Thoughts I concluded were betrayal?

Only the imperfection in me!

For as human my eyes will wonder

And my guilt in the

The guilt that brought Darkness

As my comforter was the greatest of his deceptions

For this guilt is only due

Due to the true love for my beauty

For if guilt was not present

Passion would have left my side

And though Evil had me believe

Passion was gone

I find him still here

Next to me, tired, exhausted

Yet still at my side he remains!

For it is only in the weaknesses

Of me that I am whole

As Dominos of Eros had still to learn humility

Even as logic brought humility near

I pushed her away

As I do see another of

Dark deceptions

He made me feel strong

He allowed my final incarnation

He knew it would create in me

The dark attitude of strength without weakness

In that false confidence

Humility came never near

Now the blinding eyes of Darkness gone

The veil is lifted

And I see only Passion, still weak

But standing straight

And my flame it does still burn

Yet only from behind Darkness

For now in this new site

Still I see my beauty, my beloved

Did pull her flame distant from mine

In protection of her fuel to that flame

She lets not all of her heart be exposed

For too many times

Infatuation did tear out her heart

And only by her rebuilding of it

Has she been able to fuel her flame?

And thus is held sacred

And the barrier of Darkness known

How can I break past it?

Darkness does announce

“Look at her, in a drunken stooper she is

And who is that but a man?

Arms wrapped round – necking with her?!

And even a Kiss?!!!

What are you to do, you are betrayed!!!

And what is this she says

“This is private”, will you let her keep this from you?

Look quick, look carefully

Ah-ha! You see she mentions sleeping with him

They must have a history!

Is it that same man??

What are you to do??!!!

You are betrayed!!”

Is this my devastation?

Is one always responsible for their actions?

Even under foreign influences?

Did I read it right?

Why is she “private”

My whole and complete self she does know

Can I not know that of her?

Lies, Darkness, its all lies!!!!

I trusted her, she would not do this

She loves me…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….doesn’t she?

Truth may be as truth is

Even so, the powers around me

Do still fuel my flame

And in this I find a longing

For our flames to burn as one

For this, the instinct of Fire

Who cannot lie

Even so, if this longing

Not be present in her heart

My heart will not change

Even as Darkness denies me this

I will fight for my wants

My dreams

My beloved

For in his plotting so fiercely

Is proclaimed the need of her with me

As I believe he knows

His rein will end in our joining

And in all this my thought, now so very clear

No reason can I find

To part from her side

No reason can I find to not love

For perhaps I was blind to Eros

Because she was already with me

And in this notion I will hold

My only truth

Finding within me only love, only Passion

In the nature of Fire

Who I cannot see ever seizing to burn within me

So it is by this conclusion

I can take hold of love

I can profess Eros

I can move forward

In the light of knowing

Beyond any doubt

I need no more

No more than she is

For no less can I fathom

So I reach out

And our time to converse is scheduled

Fire

Passion

Tell me, will you take her away from me?

The gift you gave

Are you going to strip from me

My beloved

And I am waiting

Waiting as so often I have

For reckoning

For forgiveness

For reciprocation

And though my weight has been lifted

Fire

Passion

What now will it take to lift?

To lift from her shoulders

The weight Darkness put upon her?

I know only to express my whole self

I know only to express my whole mind

Yet is this enough?

For the burdens I have created

At Darkness’ bidding?

I ask, as so many times before

Help me find the ease of torment

Help me know what must be known

Little, subtle

Yet deep

Those little kisses

I had so long forgotten

Here now, again

As if for my first time

It seems, I kiss

And from her still only

Only fractions of time

Small, brief moments

It seems she expresses to me

As she had in the beginning

It is these moments I hold

Hold close to my heart

Knowing only these moments

For of any other I cannot fret

For fear of unknown

Unwanted future

Fire

Please see that Passion

Is in these moments

Please see that power

Is in these moments

For by this power

Passion may rein eternal

Let us not cut short these times

Simply due to qualms of the past

And insanities weak hold of logic

Let our flames draw near

As doubt be ever so far from us

Let us see

The light of a new

A different wellbeing

Let Eros near

As I am eager

For our flames to grow strong

Let us burn bright

As is deserved

Slowly the arms go round

And gently the hips press

Press in just the right way

To pressure my loins into an ache

Forcing my arms to wrap tightly around

Not letting the pressure subside

As you grin

And I kiss

You return with a kiss of your own

And suddenly

My pants are so tight

And the rod so eager

As you then touch

Feeling my length

Knowing you entice

Just as you quickly withdraw

Leaving the room you never look back

For you already know

I must then run to hide myself behind the desk

Just in case

Someone might see

But really because my knees are then so weak

Standing is no longer possible

That is what you do to me

The tease that is so mean

……………………………………………………..but I like it

A gallop

A wassel

An intrigue

And ourselves are taken

Taken hand in hand

Unto the grove

And here among delights

My mind spoken most clearly

Thoughts focused

Actions intense

Yet here it is again

That distance

That quiet

For too much I have said

Without reply

And what of discussion without reply?

Wants

Needs

As if bored with me she is

As if a something has replaced the need for me

And her home?

She is there now, as I have not been

And when asked

A sight of dismay

She does display?

For happened what?

Did this luxury of her bed?

Am I now so distrusted?

As to in her home I cannot be?

Have I created such fear

That even with her kiss

A push, a need for distance is present?

How now can I build past

Past this damage I have caused

Why now does she not speak

Of wants

Of needs

Of hope?

And in that grove we did wallow

Wallow in the company of each other

And when together was not enough

To ecstasy we ventured

And thus my heart poured out

So too, my loins

And of her heart pleasure came quick

Yet Passion she did not grasp

As my Passion was not enough?

In that she denied his presence

And Woe, what of this!?

But Passion knocking and no door let open?

As the request has been spoken

No acknowledgment comes

Speak, please

Speak

Not of what is known

Not of what has happened

Before this flame of mine

Entered her midst

But of now and of the future

Speak of dreams

Of aspirations

Of desires

And of fantasies

Though I know now in full certainty

Of my place

My goals

My desires

I must say in proclamation

I am in the right place

I am reaching my goals

I am doing what I desire

But what, here now

Of her goals

Her place

Her desires

Can they not be known to me?

And, I see they cannot

These things of her mind and heart

Are refused to me

As of yet

As of now?

To part she had thought we would

And thus my loved poured out

And to her came surprise

And so I asked

What does she want?

Where does she want to go?

How does she want to do it?

Time

She asked for time

Time to decide

And so I wait

Thought Patience with me I did

As now I see him only in the distance

For my heart cannot stop yearning

Yearning to know

To know that which is plaguing

Plaguing her heart

Still in this time of hers

I have communicated more clearly

The decisions of my mind

The desires of my heart

And my view into the future

But of this

May be too complex a notion

A notion for her to see

And still I wait

Waiting to know

To anguish I am destine

As now beyond the light of me

Amidst the flame of my beloved

The spark does dwindle

With the essence Darkness

As he does rise before me

And I see his trickery

For I did overcome his angst

Yet he is covering her in delights

Delights of Sorrows confusions

Yet as Passion remains still with me

Sorrow does speak out

Speak out through her

“In my heart there is another, a love of an old wellbeing

That never had left my spirit

And though our passions were true

Eros could not find his way into my midst

For love you I do not”

And with that old familiar sword

Darkness does strike down on me

In devastation my powers weak

As this blade does skin me alive

Taking from my hope of glory in Eros

Stripping from me Passions insanity

Still I catch site of his back swing

Holding logic near

Follow with my eye I do see

This sword swooping down

And will all strength remaining

I take hold of its tip

In shock Darkness roars

As I hold high this blade from me

Not allowing another slash to my heart

Our wills competing

Our fight paused

And I wait

Wait for her to find Eros

Standing, beckoning to her

She saw me

She came to me

She opened herself to me

And I

I fell in love

As by all the powers of Eros

As I was given the blessings of Fire himself

I know

In love I am

And when Darkness did try to hinder me

Hinder me from expressing this love

I did overpower him

With an ease

A simple stroke

A slight of hand

Using this new power of true love

He did withdraw

And yet I see now

Why he let my love grow

Darkness know

That which was hidden from me

The secrets of her heart

And as I did show

In full confidence

My passions of Eros

She withdrew from me

And when she returned

She came violent

With a familiar and friendly blade

She came to me again

I opened myself to her

Wide open

Accepting this blade into my heart

As this

The pleasures of Darkness

To watch not his hands take me to anguish

But to watch as I let hers take me instead

And yet there is not just one strike

But many

As each time she peaces together

These parts that are stripped from me

For those words

Words of the heart

Poured out to me

Truth

Brutal

Ugly truth

A single phrase spoken

The double-edged blade

Of my greatest dismay

“I love another”

And still

She comes to me

Piecing back together

These parts that are stripped from my heart

And what of my wellbeing?

What of my love?

What of Eros?

What of Passion?

For here they are

All of them standing very close

Holding me up

Making me cry

As they give the strength

The strength to continue my love

As Patience comes near

Whispering to me

“Hope you must have that your love

Is more powerful than theirs”

As Passion comes near

Whispering to me

“A love of a different strength yours is

Hold it dear to you never letting go

For this, rewards will come in time”

As Fire himself comes near

Honoring me with his own words

“A love as yours is felt and known to you for a purpose

And though this purpose

This insight into our realm I cannot tell you

Know this

Know this more than anything else

Reason there is in her actions

A design there is in these events

And beyond all else is a future for you

And though Darkness will not let himself be distant from you

Your flame will burn

Burn brighter

Burn stronger

More than ever before

Even as you are alone

Even as you will not know this love again

You will serve Destiny well

You will know your calling

You will remain Dominos of Eros!”

As I here these words they do comfort

But these words I do not know yet

And I know to only ask why?

Why?

Why with my love soo powerful

With my heart soo passionate

With my life soo right

Am I stripped the very essence

The very influence

That gave me the means to make

To make my life right

To show me my true passion

To experience love soo powerful

Why?

Why was she allowed to hang on

To hang onto a past

A past that is not right for her?

Why does she see in him

As something I cannot give?

Why is she so dependent on my strength

As she returns to him?

If her love is as strong as professed

Why then does it not give her the strength

The strength to do this alone?

Why then is she so weak?

Why then is she so blind

So blind to the strength of us?!?

I ask

All this I ask

And no answers are presented

As Patience comes back to me

“Time is needed for answers

Time will heal wounds

In time, Fire will return”

And thus

My strength

Shown now it is

As from her I am accepting

Accepting of…………………..of her will

As now she does consume thought

Thought of then and now

Of here and there

And my strength?

My strength in hope

Of a future happiness

A future without remorse

Without regret

For the both of us

Two hearts

Two hearts solid – whole

Each one a complete piece

To join these hearts is impossible

But if one is to break

It may fit around the other

Yet what will hold it there?

For the hearts are not joined completely

As the other is still complete

And the possibility remains

The broken heart could slip off

And when it does this other heartbreaks

Again

Two hearts

Each broken yet if joined each must hold the other

For if they do not and one might slip

The other breaks again

And this heart cannot hold both pieces together

And again itself is broken

Two hearts

Each with two breaks

As the bottom of one

And as the top of the other come close

They are joined

As two individual and different pieces

Forming one complete heart

Unbreakable

This is true love

This is Eros

In search of happiness

Happiness away from me!

How do I live

Live in the knowledge our love was not mutual

Live in the shattered dream of one so close

Live in the walk of life

Knowing the best us behind

Could I ever realize another?

Would I ever live as Dominos of Eros

In full glory again?

How could I carry on my title

Without a love?

What guidance could I ever give

When I have done Eros so wrong?

What will Happiness be?

But an illusion

Created in the feeble attempt to hide

To hide and ignore the past

A past so great

Again

Again Patience comes near

“All will be known

Answers will come

Love will last

As Eros is the daughter of Fire

Happiness will be true

Time

Time it will take

In time you will understand”

I here

But do I listen?

Myself I hate

To be who I was I do not

To be what I do not know

To be I do not

And Death I invite

To Darkness I go

By my own hand

He knew

Darkness

He knew

Defeat me he could not

In my own realm

For within my world

Along my path

There was only Fire’s spirits with me

So then

As a flame

An image of beauty befriended me

And this flame did mingle close

And closer

As our flames did burn as one

Her true form I did see

And of this true form I asked

“What is it of your heart

That is not known to me?”

And as our flames

Still burning as one

To me she told

The offal truth

The dark truth

Of her heart in the hand of Darkness

As to me he is suddenly exposed

Clenching tight her heart and mind

Yet these, our flames

Still burn as one

Thus I went

With the pull of Devastation

The lure of Anger

As this flame

She was pulled from me

Yanked out of my heart

Leaving only pieces

Familiar pieces as a trial

A trial of carnage leading

Leading toward refuge

A refuge away from everything

A refuge, an escape

I escape into as weak and frail

More than ever I have been

Time transpires the heart to heal

Just enough to here her crying

A cry of torment

A cry to me

Struggling to know this cry

I tare at my mind

Ripping away the dark sieve of

Of blackness covering

My ears

My eyes

My mind

Scrapping

Scrapping away the blackness

I hear

“Where are we?”

I see

Darkness rise up saying

“Here you are my precious

And here he is

This one you love

Hear him say, he loves you not!

Feel him say, he loves you not!

Come now

Bring your tears to me

Shower me with your misery!

Look, my sweat

The man of Fire’s wellbeing

The man of mans

The champion of Fire

The conqueror of my earthly domain

Look there my sweat

And see that he is with us

With us by your graces

By your invitation

Here he lies in my blackness

Call to your friend

Call to him so that Fire might awake”

My ears do hear

And my eyes do see

She cries

Cries for bringing me here

And what she has been used for

As Fire awakes

With Passion standing guard

And all the hosts of my domain

Do stand attentive to Darkness’ words

“Look now Fire

Yes Fire

I call on you directly

Look now to your Dominos of Eros

Look and see him in the bosom

Thy bosom of blackness

Look now and see

He did come willingly

As he followed my servant

Look here and see

My gate does close

Forever keeping your champion with me”

And the iron curtain of black

Falls as a veil over this new world

This world of Darkness

And I look

Look franticly side-to-side

With no sight of life

Only the sight of Darkness

And I listen

Listen hard

Hearing deep, in the distance

A cry

A cry saying

“Help me”

Each time louder it beckons

“Help me”

And yet not louder

But as voices joining

“Help me”

Each time a thousand more voices

“Help me”

As a choir they shout

“Help me”

“Help me’

They sing out

With Darkness gloating

“Yes my children

Yes

Sing to me

Sing to me”

“Help me”

They sing out

Loud and praising

“Help me”

And my hear does mutter

“Help me”

And my mind does scream

“Help me

……………………….Help me

……………………….Help me!

……………………….Help Me!!!!!!!!……………………………………….

This veil of Darkness

Does cover my site

My site of things other than her

My site of things beautiful

My site of Light and Fire

For my eyes are open

A blackness is my only vision

As my eyes close

She is all I see

And a notion

A notion ever present

Of her will

A hope of her will changing

Changing to bring herself back into Fire’s realm

Back in to light away from Darkness enticement

And thus taking hold of me

And bring me as well

Yet no path has been presented

And we wait

We wait to be released

From Darkness’ grasp

Longing

For Fire’s knife

To cut the veil of iron

And let light in